I don’t like when people, some even within the lifestyle, believe that a submissive is a weaker person, one whose purpose is to serve unconditionally. This is totally false. Submissives do not suffer from low self esteem, inferiority complex, acceptance of abuse, or any other mental illness any more than the rest of the population. On the contrary, a submissive is a person who can stand up for herself (I’m just using the feminine pronoun for convenience), negotiate, knows her worth, and accepts only what pleases her. In many cases, a submissive has a very strong sense of all of these. She also tends to be strongly self disciplined and, to a certain extent, selfless.

Again, refering to fiction, Orla, the heroine in As I Follow a story in Kings and Queens: Anthology, must learn how to be strong enough to control her own desires and to follow her trainer in order to learn how to lead her kingdom back to peace. While most submissive don’t have to lead a kingdom which had been ruled by an evil queen, they often do have to lead professional lives and run households.

They also choose to follow their dominant’s lead out of love and respect, not fear. Certainly, a bit of fear is involved. I mean I certainly cringe at the idea of 10 whacks with the cane! But, I also know that I have agreed to those 10 whacks and that they will please my dominant. I know that the pain will release those lovely endorphins and once they are administered, my dominant will give me unmitigated pleasure. If I don’t agree, I can safeword out and that word will ALWAYS be respected.

In some ways, we are all submissive to a certain extent to those we love. We give up items we want because we’d rather spend the money on items that will make our children happy. We prepare food for our partner that may not be our favorite, but is his. We watch movies we’re not interested in because someone we want to be with wants to watch it. These are not acts of weakness. These are acts of love.