(For the sake of ease of reading, I’ll be using the pronoun “she”. This does not mean that this applies to only females.)
- She does what she does because she has freely and without fear of consequences chooses to.
- She has absolute trust in the integrity of her partner.
- Nothing is done without her consent.
- There is mutual respect between partners.
- She finds pleasure in all actions.
- She has an equal voice in all decisions. At the very least, she has the power to stop any and all actions with one word.
- After a scene she feels loved, respected, and wanted. If she doesn’t, she and her partner discuss why the scene didn’t go as planned.
- She is forced or coerced to do what she does. Her motivation is usually fear.
- She has no trust established with the partner aside from perhaps the trust that he/she will harm her.
- Most things are done without her consent.
- Respect is nonexistent
- She finds no pleasure on any level.
- She is voiceless and can do very little to stop the situation.
- After the incident, she feels used, dirty, and ashamed. If any discussion occurs after, she feels even worse if that is possible.
Submissives are not Victims. BDSM is not abuse.