(For the sake of ease of reading, I’ll be using the pronoun “she”. This does not mean that this applies to only females.)

Submissive

1.  She does what she does because she has freely and without fear of consequences chooses to.
2. She has absolute trust in the integrity of her partner.
3. Nothing is done without her consent.
4. There is mutual respect between partners.
5. She finds pleasure in all actions.
6. She has an equal voice in all decisions. At the very least, she has the power to stop any and all actions with one word.
7. After a scene she feels loved, respected, and wanted. If she doesn’t, she and her partner discuss why the scene didn’t go as planned.

Victim

1.  She is forced or coerced to do what she does. Her motivation is usually fear.
2. She has no trust established with the partner aside from perhaps the trust that he/she will harm her.
3. Most things are done without her consent.
4. Respect is nonexistent
5. She finds no pleasure on any level.
6. She is voiceless and can do very little to stop the situation.
7. After the incident, she feels used, dirty, and ashamed. If any discussion occurs after, she feels even worse if that is possible.

Submissives are not Victims. BDSM is not abuse.