Trigger Warning: Rough non-consensual sex is rape! Let me rephrase – non-consensual sexual/intimate activity is rape and/or sexual assault!

The below is MY OPINION and only that!

So I just read https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-news/neil-gaiman-sexual-assualt-allegations-more-women-come-forward-1235233371/ in which I learned of multiple women accusing Neil Gaiman, a writer whom I have admired for years, of sexual abuse. He denies these claims and states that the actions were simply part of BDSM. Now, he hasn’t been convicted of anything, so the article uses words such as “accused, allegedly” and so on. My dear readers, we all know that BDSM involves rough sex, spankings, pain, pleasure, and all sorts of fun things like that. However, we also all know that these activities simply MUST be done, and here’s the important part, WITH CONSENT.

If, and I do mean IF, these allegations prove to be true, Gaiman and others like him, in my opinion, should be punished. No one deserves to be subjected to sexual attention let alone activities without consent. Hells Bells – even in non-consent fiction there is an element of reluctant or implied consent! (Keep in mind, that’s fiction, not reality!) Forcing sexual activities onto someone who has not given full and clear consent is abuse. I have no use for abusers. Ever.

Looking at the bigger picture (bigger than the alleged victims, that is) Gaiman’s actions (assuming them to be true) has put the entire BDSM community at risk. When the average person reads or hears of such actions, they will likely think that all BDSM lifestylers are the same – abusers. When the truth of the matter is, in a true BDSM relationship, it’s really the submissive who holds the power. The sub can agree to activities or can bring all playing to a full stop by using just one word – an agreed upon safeword. Once that safeword is uttered, a true dominant ceases all activity and immediately checks on the mental and physical welfare of the submissive.

A dominant’s first priority is the safe keeping of the submissive. Period. End of story.

To the women who may have suffered at Gaiman and any other abuser’s hands, I’m sorry. No one deserves that. Ever. But please, don’t judge the entire community by these horrible actions. Those abusers are not part of our community. They are criminals.

BDSM is about, as the motto goes, safe, sane, consensual play.